I don’t think I’ve ever said the sentences “I’m adopted” and “no family history” as much as I have since having a child.
Going to the doctors or even play dates seemingly always leads to a mention of it.
There tends to be 1000 medical forms that need anything and everything about your past or someone will mention a trait their child inherited and ask if something similar runs in your family.
These instances are innocent and seemingly simple- but it follows with a quick trip down “ouch” lane for a split second.
As a kid, the “A” word aka “Adopted” was seen as a sad thing. For me, it was simply my normal.
But all too often, a pity response of “oh, well at least you were adopted!” or “you’re lucky your family found you” or, sometimes worse like “I’m sorry” were the responses.
I never understood the “I’m sorry” sentiment. It was what I’d known, it wasn’t sad. It was just how my life unfolded.
As I grew older, I started redefining it – picking and choosing how I’d connect with it. I loved pandas – did reports on a few different types, I dressed in Chinese dresses, I leaned into the beauty side and squeezed myself into the accepted stereotypes.
I did everything to associate myself with where I was adopted from, except the very question of “why?”.
Why was I adopted? What happened? What were my birth parents like? Do I have siblings? Does someone else look like me?
I shielded myself from the very real answers that could be “they couldn’t afford me”, “I was an accident”, or worse “ they just didn’t want me.”
I grew to accept that I may never know. Not for real. Not the answers I wanted. The ones that only my bio parents knew.
And guess what? It’s worked out fine.
Now as an adult, I actually wear it as a badge of honor.
I’m living in a world built on stacked generations and the luxury of knowing every bit of history.
Yet, I’ve created mine on my own.
I’ve created a new bloodline – I’ve started a story, something only my child can keep writing long after I’m gone.
I’ve created armor against the criticism, the pity, and the fetishes.
I’ve built a life without a history report and a whole lot of future pages to fill.
If you’re ever feeling lost, without information you once thought was crucial to living your life to the fullest- it’s possible you’ve already got the answer, but you haven’t hit the milestone yet.
You will hit it.
You’ll chuckle and think “that was it? That’s all I needed to figure out to settle this dialogue I’ve lived with for years?”
And then- you’ll just keep writing your story and living your big beautiful life.
Being adopted is strong, resilient, and it’s not shameful one bit.
You were meant to be where you are. Just look around at the people you love and the people who love you.
Your self created circle is gold.
Remember to take moments to love it, and keep building it for years to come.
P.S.
If you’re ever looking to dive into a book that will lift you up and inspire you – check out the newest book I was lucky enough to be a co-author in: I’m So Glad You Left Me.
Immerse yourself into 88 stories of courage, self-love and personal growth from 88 women around the world.
Here’s where you can grab your digital copy of the book (hard copies will be available soon!) :
Maelyn Writes 