The joy of having a house full of his and hers, but mostly ours

The joy of having a house full of his and hers, but mostly ours

Do you ever look at your house and realize just how much stuff you have accumulated over the years? 

With the stay at home order, I am sure you have had more than enough time to stare at your house and think – why do we even have that? And where did it come from?

My husband and I moved in together before we decided to take the leap and marry, and here is why I am so happy we did. 

We dated for a period of time and when his lease was up in the house of guys (I call it this, because – yes, he lived with 4 other guys), he was more than happy to settle down together in a house. 

At the house of guys, he had a room the size of someone’s pantry – and not like Kim Kardashian’s pantry – but like a do 2-3 lunges and hit the other side of the room sized pantry. I know, I don’t know how he did it! And believe it or not, he somehow managed to pack his entire life in it, right up to the slanted ceilings. 

Once I became more of a consistent addition, and after years of me buying him stuff, it was clear that the “to-go” container size of a room was not going to work much longer. 

At the time, I still lived with my parents, so everything I needed could fit into one car load. ONE. I mean, don’t get me wrong – I had a lot of stuff. But most of the items I didn’t pack were kept because of my mother and her love for memories being attached to objects. Her attic and basement are blasts to the past to all our family memories. I assume I will have this someday as well, and I cannot wait for it. 

Meshing two completely different lives into one space can be daunting and rather exhausting. 

I remember deciding to buy new items together, and we split the costs right down the middle. I’ll never forget the late nights and rushes of excitement when we bought our own furniture and set it all up. Little memories of the almost failures of driving our couch home, one half at a time, and praying that the rope would hold until we got home. Or when we had to assemble our TV stand while being overtired and trying to read confusing directions. I remember the laughs and the happy realizations that we had a person to do this with, for what would later be for life. 

We kept and respected each other’s “keep” items and we stored the rest. And now that I think about it, all the items we stored were complete wastes of space, and still are! If we walked into our garage right now, we would find an old boombox, a bunch of backpacks, and boxes of CDs and DVDS (who needs those anymore when you have streaming accounts galore?). Most of these items were kept because they were parts of who we were. And when we moved in together, we weren’t quite ready to release them and start on our next chapters of ourselves, as a house couple. 

My husband and I live in a cute little house where we have extra rooms and full spaces of our own. This luxury is seriously underrated and it’s truly glorious. Sometimes we think – why do people even go out as much as they do – everything you need is RIGHT here! 

Unlike popular trends, my husband has the biggest closet, and I have the smallest closet. I know what you’re thinking, why would HE need the big closet? 

The answer is embarrassing and simple. I have continuously over bought for the guy and I love doing it. 

If you’re anything like me, shopping for yourself is fun, but it’s even better when it’s for someone else! Our first Christmas I overdid it big time (and to be real, I sometimes still do) and bought him 25 gifts. I don’t say this to brag either, because he did an excellent and thoughtful job as well.  

I recall people saying – what if you guys break up? And I remember thinking – I don’t think that’s gonna happen, I think he’s the one. 

And guess what – he was indeed the one.

Fast forward 5 years. We are happily married, we are homeowners, and we are proud cat parents. 

And for all the important parts, his/hers turned into ours.

Game or real life, the humorous life of a gamers wife

Game or real life, the humorous life of a gamers wife

My husband is a gamer, and I have to tell you, it’s sometimes really impressive. His attention span for these games and all the action items are insane and never ending. I have tried to play video games with him (Legos), but there must be some disconnect for me, because I am the worst with my visual and remote control reaction times. I once tried to play a game where I drove a car, and I crashed a lot, it was really hard! During this fail, I looked over at my husband, and he’d already found the special hidden item and was onto the next level. Umm, how did that even happen?

He mostly plays FPS (first person shooter), RPG (role playing game), and puzzle/ strategy games. And sometimes, I’ll try and follow and watch for a small amount of time. Some of the games even include storylines that I can follow for a bit, but most of the time I am at a loss. I can’t seem to follow the map layouts or even the small icons in all the corners of the screen, they are just too darn small! In fact, a lot of times the music tracks to his games became my study soundtracks or lullabies. This randomly developed since most of the time he played his games late at night. We even tested it out, if I can’t fall asleep, we will turn on a soundtrack or he will tell me his future game play strategy and I am out like a light! 

Throughout the years, I have semi watched him beat a bunch of games, like Doom, Wolfenstein, Fallout 4, Red Dead Redemption II, GTA V, and most recently Cyberpunk 2077(to name a few). When I say he beat these games, I mean that he successfully finished them, watched all the credits to the end, and then RESTARTED them from the very beginning. He does this to see where he might have missed anything during game play. Talk about dedication and patience! He easily spots things on the screen that I don’t even notice, or register as holding any importance whatsoever. Gaming is intense, and as crazy as it may sound, it’s a skill. 

Let me be clear though, this kind of eagle eye attention is reserved for the games. In real life, he can’t find simple things in the house or he doesn’t remember a conversation we had. I grumble and mumble when this happens, but it’s pretty entertaining.  Many times we are sitting down for a meal or cooking in the kitchen and he will start talking about a car, a person, or a strategy, and I will have to say “wait, is this game or real life?”. These little instances never fail to make us chuckle.  I love that even though I don’t have much interest in that part of his world, he manages to include me by sharing little stories about it and asking my advice. Finding the humor in small, everyday things is our strong suit, and to tell you the truth, it’s one of my favorites.

Family vs. family

Family vs. family

In the department of communication, my husband and I come from very different family styles. My family is wordy, they love planning a call, text, email, or even a visit at least once a week, if not more. My husband’s family is the opposite, a text, call, or visit,  once a month or every other month works great for them. There are things that are so starkly opposite between our families, that it often amazes us that we were able to find each other in the middle, and fall in love. 

A conversation with my family is like opening a large filing cabinet drawer, but accidentally opening the other drawer above it, because the file tabs are so full. Our conversations usually start one place, and end up on a completely unrelated topic. Sometimes it even feels like opening a web browser with a bunch of forgotten search tabs open – and in order to close the browser, you have to decide to close all of them or one by one. This often means lengthy conversations, that includes some range of emotions. My family is filled with social workers, HR representatives, nurses, teachers, and counselors. And yes, we are all in these professions for a reason. We like to talk, we like to help, and we like to connect about the past, present, and future- sometimes all in one conversation.. 

My husband’s family? Conversations with them are more like headlines, often only the important bullet points. Conversations have a clear beginning and a clear ending. His family comes from a background of engineers, techs, and other straight forward analytic professions. Conversations have a purpose, and once there is a found solution, case closed! There are times when there is a catch up call, but once everyone is all caught up, we are good to go until the next update. These conversations are not any less meaningful or special, but they definitely tend to be much shorter than conversations with my family. 

As a married couple, our worlds have had to collide and become one. My husband has learned how my family communicates, just like I have learned how his family communicates. It’s a learning curve for both of us, but it is one we welcome because we both prefer the split of communication styles. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a whole lot of love from both sides, and we realize we are lucky and so grateful for it. We have come to realize that  it’s helpful to remember we all have different ways of showing up for one another, and that’s okay! 

You learn a lot about your partner through their family, and a lot of times you will learn how to better your relationship with them, based on what you find. 

Star Wars and Chill

Star Wars and Chill

After dating for a month, my husband and I were in a bit of a date rut. This was mostly because we had to see each other around our restaurant job schedules, and my college classes, but we wanted to try to keep things both fun and relaxing.  One night, we were sitting on the couch, and finally decided to watch something I had never watched.  According to my husband, we had a list of amazing movies that I needed to watch. And because of our age gap – this list was far from short. We ended up deciding on Star Wars, and as everyone knows, the ONLY way to watch Star Wars is in ORDER. 

Originally I wasn’t really sure about it, or even too keen on the idea. I am more of a romantic comedy type of gal, but my boyfriend – now husband, was and is a super fan. When I say super fan, I really mean it. He had the box set at the ready and knew all the answers to every question I had (yes, this included planets, foods, ships, and even language names).  He even debated on not making me watch the first three episodes of the saga, but eventually decided it needed to happen due to the plot & questions I would inevitably have later on (disclaimer : this something he asked me to include). Anyways, we started with the first movie – and watched it – with him watching me, almost more than the movie itself. He was set on me not missing a thing! 

Now, here’s why I ended up loving watching the movie series. This was the beginning of 9 pre-planned dates, there was no need to plan what we might be doing, or even go anywhere. Score! I am an extreme homebody and love a night in:)  We also had take-out (Indian and Chinese are our go-tos) and cozily set ourselves up to watch the movies in order – perfect date night if you ask me! 

I saw a side of my husband that was so damn lovable, that it was probably one, amongst the many things that made me fall for him. I think when you see someone love something and want to share it with you, you also start to love it and them that much more. 

Fast forward to being married, and it is still something we do! We watch the movie series in order, and we of course add in the appropriate movies that have been released since. 

My advice to any couple: Find small things like this, and make it a special thing to do with your S/O. Little traditions like this are magical, and keeps us reminded of why we really fell for the other person. 

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Why I asked the love of my life to marry me, instead of waiting for him to ask

Why I asked the love of my life to marry me, instead of waiting for him to ask

When my husband and I got engaged in 2019, almost every person assumed he asked me, and wanted to know the juicy details of how it all happened. They wanted to see the ring and the pictures of the engagement, but the thing was – I didn’t have either of those. 

There was however a story. 

I would tell them our engagement story.  How there were red cut out hearts that had reasons why we love one another, how twinkling lights hung from the ceiling, how rows and rows of photos of us throughout the years dangled by ribbons throughout the house, and how in a bed of leaves, backlit by lights, it said “My Love,  Marry Me?”. After the “omg’s” and “awws” I would then add how I got down on one knee and asked him to marry ME. 

It seems crazy that we are in 2021, and yet people still can’t wrap their heads about how I asked him. I got questions like “are you sure he wants to marry you?”, “Did he mind that you did that, you took his thunder!” and, my all time favorites “you emasculated him” and  “you are so brave”. My reaction was always accompanied by a chuckle, but I don’t much care for them, much less think they’re amusing. 

I want to be clear,  I am not saying that the tradition of a man asking a person to marry him is any less special, because it most definitely is! Anyone asking that question to another person is beautiful!  I am saying that the awe I received for doing it myself, was, well discouraging. In the very beginning I used to tell people he did, and end the conversation right there, but over time, it felt silly. Me asking him to marry me is and always will be a part of our love story, and I absolutely love it! 

Here is why I asked my husband to marry me – I loved him. It is that simple. I knew that the friendship we built would only get better, and I went for it. 

We are now married and purrfect cat parents.